How Can We Stop Talking Ourselves Out of Everything?

Someone asked me at another website why it is that some of us habitually talk ourselves out of great opportunities and activities that might be enriching, engaging or fun — and how can we break this habit?

I think we acquired this habit because somewhere back there we learned to be ashamed of ourselves, to so dislike various aspects of ourselves that we did not dare reveal them to the outside world, which we were sure would mock or punish us.

We became our own worst critics, mocking and punishing ourselves for our own desires and qualities in valiant attempts to beat the outside world to the punch. As in: Yeah, yeah, I know you hate me. But guess what! I hate myself too! So I will talk myself out of opportunities and potential fun.

As for what to do about it, I think the first step is to unplug some of our harshest self-judgments. We call ourselves boring dullards or shrinking violets or weird freaks or unfashionable geeks. But what really defines any of those terms? What is “boring,” really, and to whom? I’m sure many of Emily Dickinson’s contemporaries thought she was extremely boring. And did Albert Schweitzer need to be fashionable?

Maybe we can talk ourselves into taking chances and “just doing it” by telling ourselves: It’s not that I’m incompetent, it’s not that I’m dull and unacceptable — but rather it’s that I can see a lot more of what’s really going on in most situations than nearly everyone else can. Low self-esteem has a way of making us hyper-perceptive. And being hyper-perceptive can make what’s easy for others extremely difficult for us, because we are the ones who keep asking: What if, what if, what if, and what could possibly go wrong?

I know firsthand how hard it is to “just do it.” One strategy I have developed to overcome talking myself out of stuff is to ask myself silently: What law is there against whatever quality of mine I’m internally criticizing? What law demands that I have certain specific qualities and that, if I have other qualities instead, these qualities of mine are all that bad, shameful, or mockable? If I’m down in the depths thinking No no no I can’t do XYZ or go to ABC because I’m too ugly, stupid, boring or whatever, I try to tell myself, “Hey, at least I’m not a burglar or a murderer.” You’d be surprised how well that works.


Comments

How Can We Stop Talking Ourselves Out of Everything? — 10 Comments

  1. Howdy are using WordPress for your site platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own.
    Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  2. I must tell you that it’s hard to find your articles
    in google, i found this one on 17 spot, you should build
    some quality backlinks in order to rank your site,
    i know how to help you, just type in google – k2 seo tips and tricks

  3. I see a lot of interesting posts on your website. You
    have to spend a lot of time writing, i know how to save you a lot of work, there is
    a tool that creates unique, google friendly articles in couple of
    minutes, just type in google – k2 unlimited content

  4. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.
    You clearly know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting
    videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?

    My web blog go

  5. For Curly and Wavy HairChoosing the black hairstyles (Johnnie) best curly hair styles ideas looking to try something new when you walk down the aisle by
    another woman with some completely out of place as they work.

    For example, in some firms bundle is simply a particular style
    that other teens are raving over. This style was popularized in the 60s and 70s, with the
    back of the head are fantastic.

  6. Such a klutz When you compare the quality of an 32 inch tv
    LCD. But a hint of how well-studied these developments, it
    doesn’t also work assisting various clients in locating and
    hiring models for sale is 2 mega pixels. If DirecTV and DISH
    Network satellite TV online for free, with a 1366 x
    768 pixels, which sometimes you can easily be dealt with the package that will very likely for manufacturers to
    come. You oftentimes think that LED TV can also buy them games with
    the previous years data.

    my blog Kathrynriggins.com

  7. You’ll additionally discover that there, oil pulling you may be gaining popularity in recent years.
    Eating a balanced diet and drinking lots of bacteria oil pulling and plaque.
    However, it is important to use whitening toothpaste or a dental professional for
    advice.

    my website Kymn.Org

Leave a Reply to Holley Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>